This video is a little old, but I just rediscovered it, and forgot how great it was.

Click here to download the video. It’s only about 1Mb in size. Shouldn’t take too long on high speed.

Here are a few things for you to think about.

1. Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

2. Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

3. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

4. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

5. On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message “one slice”? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?

6. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

7. Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?

8. How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?

9. Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?

10. When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, “It’s all right?” Well, it isn’t all right so why don’t we say, “That hurt, you stupid idiot?”

11. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

12. Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

13. In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

14. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

15. If at first you don’t succeed, shouldn’t you try doing it like your wife told you to do it? And obviously if at first you don’t succeed, then don’t take up sky diving!

16. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they’re okay, then it’s you.

Man’s Rules

Finally, the guys side of the story.

We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are men’s rules! Please note…these are all numbered “1″ ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that, it’s like camping.

Dyan gave me this picture of her lying down on the tennis court. Looks just like she got rolled over by the painter! Good one Dyan.

This guys has some serious beatboxing skills. I think they’re speaking French or something. Me no understand. But still cool! Thanks to my bro Brent for sending this one in.

Well, not literally. But this dude is leaving the grave shift behind forever! You heard me right, I got a new job. For those of you who don’t know, I work at Hill Air Force Base as a civilian contractor, and for the last two years, have whittled away the night hours staring at a computer screen. I’ve been looking for a new job pretty much the whole time, while not very proactively I’ll admit. But anyway, I obtained a day position here at the same place I’m working now, actually for a contractor I worked for a couple years back. So now I get to sleep at night like everyone else, I’ll work Monday through Friday, and have regular hours! Needless to say, Dixie was ecstatic when she found out, as was I.

I start June 1st, and June 4th they’re sending me to Atlanta for some training. I had a scout camp planned with the teachers quroum that week, but didn’t have much of a choice. I was bummed that I wouldn’t be able to go, but now that I have Friday nights off, that will give me many more opportunities to go on other campouts and activities with the boys. Oh yeah, for those of you that don’t know, I’m an assistant Varsity coach with the teachers quorum, so if I ever mention “the boys”, you’ll know who I’m talking about.

So anyway, as for an update on the baby, he’s doing fine. Actually doing better than Maddie was at his age. Dixie is really feeling this pregnancy though. Much tougher than the last one. She’s constantly tired, and I feel terrible that I’m going to have to leave her for a whole week so close to her due date. But all in all, with the new job, spirits are high, and we’re doing great. I’ve been trying to get more excercise, been out riding my bike, and hoping to make a real habit of it. Perhaps I can get rid of this gut I’ve collected sitting at a desk all night long for two years. And it is so much easier when the weather is so nice. I LOVE SUMMER!

I’ve been slacking terribly on this site. Partly because not much has been happening, mostly because I’m lazy. However, we have had a little update on the baby’s progress. Unfortunately, the little tyke is following in his older sister’s footsteps. It seems that Dixie’s placenta starts to misbehave in the later stages and starts restricting blood flow to the baby. It’s not terribly serious, but in Maddie’s case, it did cause her to stop growing and they suspect she might have even started losing weight. Because of Maddie’s problems, the doctor has been keeping a close eye on this one, and we caught it early. Unfortunately, we seem to know as much about the placenta as we do about the bermuda triangle, so there’s not a whole lot they can do to prevent it. So we may be looking at a slightly early pregnancy with this one. Maddie was only a couple weeks early, so it shouldn’t be too bad, but it may interfere with a scout campout I’ve got planned June 4th through the 9th dang it! Oh well, he’s worth it.

There’s not a whole lot besides that going on. I’m still working at night, still trying to get out of it. Dixie’s still busy with the primary, and I’m still busy with the young men. With the nicer weather, I’ve finally been able to get out on my bike and oh it feels nice. That is of course until the weather decided to take a dump on us yesterday. Maybe I’ll throw some recent pictures up when I get a minute. Oh, and if you’re a Star Wars fan with a lisp, today is a special day for you. “May the fourth be with you!”